Mistakes in life do not mean you can’t achieve your dreams
I met this client in the summer of 2023. He was a single dad who had been in prison and had not seen his daughter in 9 years. When he got out of prison, he got his life on track and reached out to the child’s mom so he could start to see their daughter and develop a relationship. The mom agreed to meet him.
The first visit went ok, and they set up a time for the following week. When it came time for the visit, the mom called and stated he could not see his daughter. The client got a lawyer and took the mom to court. During the court procedures, the judge stated that the dad needs to do parenting education. My phone call with the client did not go well. He was demanding and not willing to work with me on the schedule. He was yelling about the situation and stating he did not understand why he had to do that. We finally agreed on a time to meet.
When I arrived at the first meeting he was sitting on the porch with his girlfriend. Before I could even speak, he started yelling about the situation. I let this go on for a few minutes before I stated that I get that he was angry and frustrated but his yelling at me was not going to help matters. I stated that I was there to help him. He calmed down and we got through the intake. As I was leaving, I stated that I was going to contact the case worker and find out more about why I was involved since he did not have a CPS case against him. I said I would contact his lawyer so I could provide updates. I also stated that if he wanted me to provide updates, they would be honest updates, good or bad. On Monday I did what I promised and talked with the case worker and lawyer. I sent him a text so he knew I did it and told him we would discuss it the next time we met.
After that, the visits went well. I was always upfront and honest with him even if I knew it might make him mad. As time went on there was less yelling and more conversations. We worked on coping skills for his anger.
When it came time for him to go to court to see if he could get supervised visits, he was nervous and did not trust the court system. We had talked about trusting the system and not trying to rush it. At one visit we practiced him using visualizing skills if he got frustrated during the court procedures. I told him to visualize his daughter and think of her. We also practiced deep breathing skills. After court, he called me bawling and stating he was granted supervised visits. He told me “Even though I got frustrated and mad I did what we practiced, and it helped me stay calm.”
On the last visit, he stated he was thankful for all our conversations and how much they helped him.
There are serval ways that I made a difference. One was that I gave him the time and safe space to talk about his feelings and frustration. I made a difference by not getting intimated by the yelling. Instead, I let him know his anger was validated while providing a healthier way to handle his anger and frustration. The biggest way I made a difference is I did not give up on him and continued to let him know I was in his corner, and I was always straightforward and honest with him.
