In our line of work, I often meet people at their lowest- exhausted, ashamed and feeling completely defeated.
One client I’ll never forget had just experienced her second removal. Mom sat across from me shoulders hunched, tears streaming down her face convinced that no one saw anything good left in her.
But I did.
This young mother had had her oldest child in care already, and due to a multitude of barriers still present, she was met at the hospital the day she gave birth to her newest addition, to officially have him removed as well. I met with this mother and sat with her and her newborn baby, grieving the loss of experiences she would miss with him being taken into care. We sat and planned what we could do to help her not only emotionally, but how to move forward removing the barriers still present.
Mom kept saying things like “They’re telling me to do this and that to get my kids back but they’re
not telling me how to go about it or any resources to help me navigate through them. I don’t think they truly understand how hard this is for me because I don’t know what I’m doing, my mother never taught me any of this” At that moment I looked her in the eyes and say “Well I
understand, because I’ve been there. Nobody showed me the way, so allow me to give away so freely what I wish I would have known then.”
The day the client was released from the hospital we hit the ground running. We were able to
work diligently and purposefully together to help her gain employment, safe temporary housing,
establish reliable transportation, parenting education, recovery support group meetings and even
learned about budgeting to open her first ever savings account.
Since then, the client has made leaps and bounds to remove as many barriers as possible. We
recently had an FTM where a goal change for her oldest child was being discussed. A repetitive phrase I heard in that meeting was “It has to come down to common sense” and it was with great pleasure, my client advocated back by saying “Just like my parent advocate told me, its not always common sense but common taught, and I’m still learning” The judge, one month later, did not adopt the recommendation to petition for a goal change, but gave this mother another 45 days to show what she can do. The client and I celebrated that afternoon and I was met with such gratitude for showing her a different way of life.
Making a difference doesn’t always come from having the right answers-sometimes its about
offering the right presence. I’ve learned that compassion can reach people long before solutions can. I try to bring empathy into every conversation, listening without judgement and remind people that they are more than their worst moments.
In this case, I was able to make a world of difference by taking my own personal experience undergoing the reunification process to be meet her where she’s at because I understood. I understood that this was not coming down to a lack of common sense, but a lack of common taught. Walking with this client hand in hand, assuring her that even the smallest victories would build momentum, she has been able to walk through this process a little lighter.
Although we don’t yet know the outcome of how her case will turn out, I feel as though I have left a mark with this woman that she will take with her forever.
